I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
