apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
