Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
