my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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