I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
