what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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