My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
