There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
