So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
