Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
