We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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