is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
