I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
