why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
