my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
