I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were trust falling into bushes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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