Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
