I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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