The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
