My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
