with your own penis?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
