just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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