i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what day is it and did you see me today?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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