i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
