...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
