I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
