I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
