a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
