we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
