the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
