I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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