you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
