I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
