I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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