Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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