No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
