So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
