I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
