Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
