Kiss
Puke
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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