i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
