a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize