is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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