he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
