I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
