I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
