is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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