Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
