Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
