I am puke
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
