dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
