he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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