in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
