NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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