She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
