Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
