apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
