I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
