Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
