Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize