I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
