I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
