I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
