remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
