now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
