i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
