its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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