So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
