She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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