I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
