ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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