So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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