he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize