Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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