Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
