Soap is not a condiment
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
