I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
