Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
