i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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