Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
