just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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