The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
