Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
