Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And then he peed in my hair
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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