Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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