Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
