this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
