i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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