so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
