when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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