I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
