I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
