i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
