i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
