You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize