Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
