wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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