Apparently you make a good broom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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