One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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