You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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