I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
