Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
