sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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