I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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