If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
