oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
