we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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